Ready! Get Set! Cook!
by incomplete-ness
Summary: Tsunade suddenly decided she needed a break from all her paperwork. She gets an idea, which means...trouble for the genins...
1. Godaime's Dilemma

* * *

Naruto Fic 

Ready! Get Set! Cook!

Disclaimer – Naruto does not belong to me…… though one can only hope……

This is based on the anime…just to tell you…

Chapter 1 – Godaime's Dilemma

Tsunade looked through her paperwork and sighed. She set the papers down wearily and turned to the window to look out at Konoha. It was quiet and she could see the people moving around, going on with their daily lives.

_Days in Konoha have been so normal…Nothing interesting happens here anymore. Of course it's good it's peaceful and all but this is just…..too….BORING!_

Tsunade gave another sigh and turned back to her table. She restlessly shifted papers around her table and growled in frustration.

_Not good, not good! I'm losing my concentration! I MUST CONCENTRATE! _

She took a deep breath and took up the papers. She quickly scanned through the report.

_The mission given has been successfully completed. The scroll has been received by Sound and Konoha has been presented with a reply…which is ….as BORING AS HELL!_

Tsunade grabbed her head and banged it on the table. She stood up and was about to punch the table to pieces when she stopped herself. She pushed back her hair and took another deep breath.

_Food…food will help… It always does…_

Tsunade then walked to the building's kitchens (in my story, yes they do have one) where, for some reason was quiet. She pushed open the door to find one, pathetic cook desperately trying to cook all the meals. To add to it, the cook was coughing and sneezing everywhere. Tsunade felt disgusted but she pitied the cook. She cleared her throat just after the cook fumbled with a plate. The plate ended up in pieces on the floor.

"Ho-Hokage sama! I-I-I apologize! I will pay for the plate! It's all due to my carelessness! I'm terr-"

"That's enough. What are you doing?" asked Tsunade.

The poor cook got an even more frightened look. She started praying to every god there was.

"I-I was cooking-"

"And you're sick?"

"I'm sorr-"

Tsunade sighed and shook her head.

"Yes I know that you're sorry. I just want you to answer me."

"Um…yes…"

"So you are sick."

The cook gave a whimper and prayed harder.

"I'm so-"

"Ah. Shh."

"Sorr-"

"Shh."

"Sorry fo-"

"Shush!"

The cook stopped and looked down. Tsunade neared her and the cook squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to look up. Tsunade put her hand on her shoulder and the cook looked up. Tsunade smiled at her.

"You go home and take a rest," said Tsunade, almost too kindly.

The cook stared at her.

"Sorry?"

_That word again….._

A vein popped.

"You can go home. You need a rest."

The cook stared at her longer. Tsunade waited for her to leave.

"Is this a test or-"

"NO! JUST LEAVE!" bellowed Tsunade.

The cook gave a squeal of terror and nodded furiously. She bolted to the entrance of the kitchen.

"I'M SORRY!" she cried as she ran out.

Tsunade sighed in relief. She then looked around the empty kitchen. She came to a sudden realization.

"I can't cook…"

Yes people, our dear Godaime sama is hopeless at cooking. Tsunade suddenly felt the strong urge to punch something.

_Why do these things ALWAYS happen to me!_

Tsunade was about to resort to tearing her hair out when she was suddenly struck with an idea. She silently thought about it, pondering over whether it would work or not.

"Tsunade sama! Tsunade sama!"

Shizune was running around the building frantically searching for Tsunade.

"TSUNADE SAMA! You have to do your paperwork! TSUNADE SAMA!"

Shizune was nearing the kitchens when she suddenly heard maniacal laughter practically shaking the whole building. Shizune stopped. She slowly approached the kitchen. She opened the door a crack to see Tsunade giving the typical "evil-guy-laugh" and laughing her head off. Shizune stared wide-eyed at the Hokage and slowly closed the kitchen door. She turned to walk back.

_Perhaps it is better if Tsunade sama was left alone for now…._

* * *

"I have a bad feeling about today… I think it'll be more troublesome than other days," spoke Shikamaru as he stared at the clouds.

Ino snorted and shook her head.

"You always say that. To you, everything is troublesome. All you do is stare at the clouds! What's so troublesome about that?" chided Ino.

"There she goes again….Ahhh…mendakuseina…."

"Shikamaru!"

In the background, Chouji just…..continued eating.

* * *

"Ano sa, ano sa, Sakura chan, did you get that sudden…. "I think I'm doomed" feeling just now? Cuz I felt funny…" said Naruto.

Sakura looked at Naruto weirdly.

"Must be the price of eating too much ramen. Now you're imagining things," she responded.

"But I really felt it…. I think Tsunade no baa-chan is plotting something against us…"

"Really Naruto! You're so disrespectful towards Tsunade sama!" scolded Sakura.

However somehow, she had that bad feeling Naruto was right.

* * *

"I feel sorta strange today….nee Akamaru?" asked Kiba.

Akamaru barked in agreement. Kiba patted its head. Hinata looked at him questioningly.

"Are you sick Kiba kun?" she asked, worriedly.

Kiba shook his head.

"Nah. It's just this 'bad omen' feeling y'know?"

"My bugs are acting strange," stated Shino, suddenly.

"Shino? You too?" asked Kiba.

"They're scared," stated Shino in a serious tone. (wait…doesn't he ALWAYS sound serious?)

Kiba and Hinata looked at him with wide eyes.

"God… I wonder what disaster is in store for us today…."

* * *

Neji and Tenten stared at Lee in silence. Tenten opened her mouth to say something but closed it once more. Neji just continued staring. There was silence once more. Finally…

"Lee…are you… all right?" asked Tenten, uncertainly.

For the first time in history, Rock lee, I repeat, THE ROCK LEE, looked utterly, hopelessly distraught and depressed. His burning (literally burning) passion was dry and he only sat there, slumped, still and unmoving. Even Neji looked worried. Lee did not say anything.

"Lee…?" prompted Tenten.

"I don't know Tenten, but I feel hopeless today. My body seems to be dreading something so much I just don't feel like doing anything. I should not be wasting my youth…but…."

Lee sighed and buried his head in his arms.

Tenten looked at Neji as though asking him to do something. Neji suddenly felt very, very cold. Both of them had the same thought on their minds.

_Are we going to die today?_

* * *

The Sand siblings were on their way to Konoha.

"What did the Hokage call us there for again?" questioned Kankurou, as they leapt from tree to tree.

Temari screwed her face in concentration.

"Actually, she didn't give us any details. She just said she needed our help. And for some reason she specified for…us," replied Temari.

"Isn't that suspicious?" asked Kankurou.

"But we can't just turn down the Hokage," pointed out Temari.

Suddenly there was a sound of ripping cloth and there was a dull thud and possibly the sound of a crack. The three siblings stopped and Temari and Kankurou slowly turned around to look at Gaara. Gaara was 'gourd-less' and he was staring at the ground below the tree he was on. The two older siblings followed his stare. There on the ground lay his gourd and it was….

"It's cracked," said Kankurou, stating the obvious.

Temari gave him a look. Gaara continued staring.

"Gaara? Um… don't you want to pick the gourd up?" asked Temari, hesitantly.

"…"

The two older siblings exchanged looks. Just then, Gaara turned to look at them. The two froze.

"Something ominous is going to happen," he said.

He had the 'crazed Shukaku' look in his eyes. And suddenly just like that, he calmed down and continued on his way.

"Gaara? Aren't you going to take your gourd?" asked Temari.

There was no reply. Kankurou gave Temari an almost frightened look.

"Heeyyy…Are you sure its safe letting him go around without his gourd? Cuz for some reason I get the feeling that gourd sorta calms him," said Kankurou, nervously.

Temari stared at the cracked gourd.

"Something ominous really _is _going to happen today."

* * *

Orochimaru unrolled the scroll and scanned the writing. A smile started to cross his face.

"Omoshiroi…" 1

He then started giving the 'trademark Orochimaru' laugh.

Sasuke was walking past when he heard Orochimaru laugh and laugh….and choke. Sasuke raised his eyebrow and shook his head.

"I knew it. I signed a contract with a lunatic."

_To be continued…_

1 – Interesting

Please please review!


	2. SASUKE!

Ready! Get Set! Cook!

Finally… an update… it has been so long…I almost forgot about this fic. Okay, scratch that. I did forget but hey here's a new chapter so no worries! Anyway I'm not much in the mood for Naruto nowadays…the filler episodes are a bore… but yeah that's totally besides the point… On with the story!

Oh, thanks to Uzumaki Angel for the review!

Disclaimer- The usual… I dream to own Naruto…but dreams will stay as dreams…

Chapter 2 – SASUKE!

Shikamaru diverted his gaze from the sky to Ino. He had long ago blocked his ears to whatever sounds that a particular green-eyed blonde had been making for the past minutes…or hours, at least that was what it seemed like to him.

So now he was looking at said girl who was STILL ranting and he did not have any clue of what she was raving about. Of course he knew it was about him and he knew he was supposed to listen or face the wrath of a tigress. But to Shikamaru, it was just too troublesome. He cast a last glance at Ino and retreated to his dreamland of 'Go' and clouds.

"….Shikamaru, you will learn your lesson right? Shikamaru? Shikamaru! You weren't listening, YOU! I have lost all HOPE in you! I don't understand you! HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING!"

Shikamaru was still staring at the clouds with a dazed look. Ino seethed as she shook her fist furiously at the lazy genius, who was still oblivious to all. Chouji looked fairly amused as he munched on his third bag of potato chips.

"Chouji! Do something!" huffed Ino.

Chouji, not wanting to be the victim of a monster's wrath immediately backed away on instinct.

"Ino, you know Shikamaru's like that…let's just leave it at that… all right?" replied Chouji, nervously.

If anything more, Ino seemed to get more furious, her pretty face turning a dangerous scarlet. She was about to retort when suddenly an ANBU member in all his mask glory appeared in front of them.

"Hey, since when did Asuma sensei become an ANBU member?" questioned Chouji.

"That's not Asuma sensei, Chouji…It's obvious, he's too thin…" sighed Ino.

"But Asuma sensei's supposed to meet us… Not an ANBU member," responded Chouji.

"Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Chouji and Nara Shikamaru?" questioned the ANBU member.

At the sound of his full name, Shikamaru started.

"Yes?" Ino prompted.

"The Hokage requests your presence in her office immediately," informed the ANBU member.

All three of them froze. They were thinking the same thing.

_That terrifying woman with the tremendous bull strength? What wrong have we done? What have we done to end our short lives in such a way?_

The ANBU member must have seen the looks on their faces because he whispered, "Try not to look at her in the eye. It helps. Also, don't bring food along with you…she might get violent."

Then he vanished in a puff of smoke. The three did not move as the silence stretched on.

Then suddenly…

"NO FOOD! NOOOOOOOO!"

-----------------------

"Don't you have training with Jiraiya sama?" asked Sakura, as she absently stared into the river below the bridge they were standing on.

"That ero-sennin's somewhere peeking into the hotsprings. He doesn't want to train with me today. Then I saw you here alone so I thought of keeping you company. A.N--Am I sure Naruto can sound that nice to a girl? I doubt myself… Sakura chan, you're not training with Tsunade no baachan?" asked Naruto.

"She's busy today. I saw Shizune trying to get her to do her paperwork," replied Sakura.

Sakura looked somewhat downcast as she stared into the water. Naruto knew what she was thinking and he honestly felt bad all over again.

"He'll come back soon. I'll bring him back one of these days!" said Naruto, determination in his eyes.

Sakura turned to stare at him and she could not help but smile and nod.

"Mm."

"Meanwhile let's go to Ichiraku Ramen!"

Sakura sighed.

"Ramen AGAIN? Naruto you live and breathe ramen…"

Suddenly Sakura frowned and looked around.

"Naruto…Do you hear that?"

Naruto stopped to listen. Indeed there was a soft strange sound seemingly far away.

"Sounds…like….wailing?" asked a bewildered Sakura.

"NARUTOOOOOOO! SAKURAAAAAAA!"

The two turned to see a hysterical Shizune running towards them. They only stared in shock as Shizune finally caught up with them.

"Shizune neechan? What happened?" asked Naruto, panic evident in his voice.

Sakura was staring wide-eyed at her waiting for the bad news. Never in their genin lives had they seen a strong medic nin like Shizune so hysterical and running like a madwoman.

_Must be reaaalllyyy baaaad news…._

Shizune struggled to catch her breath.

"Tsunade sama…. Tsunade sama- AHH! You'd better come! You have to save her! Please!" pleaded Shizune.

Sakura and Naruto panicked.

'WHAT HAPPENED?" asked Sakura.

"Tsunade sama- she-she-has been infected by the OROCHIMARU CACKLE VIRUS!"

-----------------------

"Kurenai sensei is strangely late today…" mused Kiba as Akamaru gave a yelp.

Hinata looked worried as Shino remained expressionless. (A.N.—Please, we can't even see his eyes or mouth for the matter!)

"M-Maybe something will happen today," spoke Hinata, timidly.

"Hey, at least the day will be more interesting… and you know what? Suddenly I'm looking forward to what will happen!" said Kiba.

The three then fell into silence as they waited.

"My bugs are restless. Something's bothering them," spoke Shino, randomly.

"Then I can't wait for whatever's going to happen even more!" responded Kiba, enthusiastically.

For some reason, the enthusiasm was not reflected in Akamaru, but Kiba still looked undaunted. Just then, an ANBU member appeared before them. The threesome stared at the elite ninja questioningly.

"Inuzuka Kiba, Aburame Shino and Hyuuga Hinata?" asked the ANBU member.

"Yup!" confirmed Kiba.

"Hokage sama requests to see you in her office," informed the ANBU member.

All three of them stared at one another. The ANBU member bowed and left.

"Okay, I SOO did not expect this," uttered Kiba.

Hinata, if possible, looked even more worried than she already was. Shino…was just Shino.

"I refuse to go. Do you know how brutal she is?" said Kiba.

"But Kiba kun… It's the Hokage sama's orders. Furthermore, y-you just said you couldn't wait for whatever to happen…" reminded Hinata.

Kiba looked adamant and he turned to Shino for support. Shino stared at him.

"Well, she's right you know," was his reply and Kiba groaned.

"Why did God have to be soo kind as to make my stupid wishes come true!"

-----------------------

Tenten cast worried glances at Rock Lee. The still depressed Rock Lee seemed to get more depressed by the minute. Neji tried to ignore his strange teammate but he was not succeeding. He occasionally threw furtive glances into Rock Lee's direction. Tenten neared Neji.

"Nee Neji… we should really do something about this. It's seriously starting to creep me out," spoke Tenten.

Neji turned to Lee. He then looked away without saying anything.

"Neji!" hissed Tenten.

Neji looked bothered and threw an irritated glare at Tenten. Tenten met the glare head on with her own glare. Neji sighed and finally turned to Lee.

"Lee, do you want to spar?" asked Neji.

This usually would get Rock Lee up and jumping. However, today was a different case. Rock Lee did not seem to have heard him at all. Neji's stare hardened.

"Lee."

"Yes dearest teammate Neji?"

No enthusiasm.

"Want to spar?"

"…"

"Lee. I am talking to you."

"I don't know how to say this… but I'm just not up for it…"

A somber tone.

Neji turned to Tenten, shrugging. Tenten looked even more worried.

"Lee, please… just go back to your… normal self…" said Tenten.

_Just when you want that Konoha's Green Beast attitude to go, you suddenly miss it… _ thought Tenten.

Lee made no movement and when the ANBU member suddenly just appeared out of nowhere, all of them were caught off guard.

"Hyuuga Neji, Tenten and Rock Lee?"

-----------------------

The Hokage office was full of hushed whispers and genins. Tsunade had a pleased smirk on her face as she eyed them all. They had been waiting for quite a while but all the genins were already present.

"Um… Tsunade sama, may I ask, what are we waiting for, actually?" asked Sakura.

Tsunade started laughing once more and after calming down, she replied, "You'll see."

The genins exchanged looks and waited impatiently. Just then there seemed to be a dark aura hanging in the air. The door opened and in stepped… a jounin. More specifically, a jounin carrying a gourd.

"Hokage sama, I found this on my way back from a mission… It looked suspicious-"

"Oh look Gaara! Your gourd!" said Temari , brightly, hoping Gaara would lose the crazed Shukaku look.

Gaara made no response. He only started whispering to himself. Temari and Kankurou looked horror-stricken. The jounin sensing the tense situation, put the gourd in the hallway.

"Ah…I'll just leave the gourd here… and I will hand in my report later…" said the jounin as he bowed out of the office.

Once again the genins waited. Then suddenly a cold wind blew into the office. (Strange eh?) The door opened again and …

"SASUKE!"

-----------------------

Review! Thanx!


	3. This has to be a joke, it HAS to be

Ready! Get Set! Cook!

Oh my goodness! An update! It's ABOUT TIME! I can't say anything other than a HUGE sorry for updating so late… I meant to get round to it but schoolwork just keeps piling. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible… but for the meantime I hope this chapter would entertain you. Thank you for your patience! Oh and I had to make the characters OOC since this is supposed to be a humour fic…

Disclaimer: It's the same as usual… I don't own Naruto…Neither does Liy…

Chapter 3 - This has to be a joke, it HAS to be

Everyone stared in shock. Tsunade was starting to cackle again and Shizune could only sigh. At the door, stood none other than Uchiha Sasuke and his oh so ever sane mentor… if one could even call Orochimaru a mentor or even sane. The room was silent other than Tsunade's rather maniacal laughter. No one else said anything. Sasuke only stared at a space behind them all, looking as though he could kill someone. Orochimaru finally broke the tense silence…(well other than Tsunade's laughter)

"Well, well, Tsunade, I think you have truly learnt from a master…" smiled Orochimaru, maliciously.

Tsunade stopped laughing and gave Orochimaru a full 'Tsunade' glare.

"And what does that mean?" she asked, dangerously.

It wasn't Orochimaru who answered but the great Uchiha Sasuke himself.

"Your laughter. It's exactly like that sicko's."

Orochimaru looked a little miffed about what Sasuke had said but he let it go by him, probably because he was already used to it. Tsunade, on the other hand, was not. She flushed a deep scarlet and she turned the 'Tsunade' glare on Sasuke.

Sasuke wanted to flinch and whimper but WAIT. Uchiha Sasuke NEVER flinches and he definitely does not whimper. So his face remained placid and as a retort he gave his infamous smirk to Tsunade.

Tsunade's blood started to boil and the others could distinctly observe her already red face turn redder and redder.

"You're turning out to be EXACTLY like your master aren't you, brat?" hissed Tsunade.

Sasuke's smirk immediately vanished. He glared at Tsunade.

"I am not like that sicko at all, you hear me?" rebuked Sasuke, gritting his teeth.

"Oh yes you are, brat! Both of you are even starting to look the same!" declared Tsunade, standing up.

Sasuke then gave a horrified dramatic gasp. Yes, you've seen it right. Uchiha Sasuke gave a horrified dramatic gasp. He whirled around to face Orochimaru who just stared at him.

"Where's a mirror! Why doesn't ths room have a mirror!" cried Sasuke.

At those words, Orochimaru casually bit his thumb and made the appropriate hand seals.

"Kuchiyose no jutsu!"

A huge amount of smoke obscured most of their vision and when it finally cleared, Orochimaru was standing there, wearing a proud look on his face and beside him stood…..

A huge full-length mirror.

All of them stared at him in shock and now I mean all of them.

"Isn't Kuchiyose no jutsu… supposed to summon a beast? What- is- THAT?" asked Ino.

Orochimaru looked hurt.

"It's the greatest inventions of all inventions. For your information, stupid girl, this is a mirror."

All of them face-faulted.

"We already KNOW that! But HOW can a mirror be conjured by using that jutsu!" asked Tsunade.

"I'm a genius that's how. Now Sasuke kun, you said you needed a mirror, Since you're my future body and all, I'll let you use it," said Orochimaru, smiling as though he was Mother Theresa.

Sasuke looked even more horror-stricken.

"Why do you need such a huge mirror for!" he managed to utter.

"Then how do you expect me to look this good everyday?" replied Orochimaru, as if he was stating the obvious.

Tsunade gagged. Sasuke went green.

"I thought you could not get any weirder… but you just did," sighed Sasuke.

Orochimaru sniffed in disgust.

"Then I won't share my mirror with you," he spoke and sent the mirror away.

_Like I care…_ thought Sasuke.

The room fell silent once more. Finally Sakura spoke up.

"Tsunade sama, why are we here? And more importantly… why are Sasuke kun and _him_ here?"

Tsunade started smiling once more.

"Ano baga kah? He's here because he's scared of me."

"I AM NOT!" cried Orochimaru.

"Face it, you're only here because I threatened to beat you up if you didn't," said Tsunade.

Orochimaru opened his mouth to argue but Tsunade glared at him, eyes glinting dangerously. Orochimaru immediately shut his mouth.

"But why do you need him here?" asked Sakura.

Tsunade shrugged indifferently.

"Well, I thought it would be more interesting that way."

"But what if he decides to destroy Konoha!" gaped Ino.

Tsunade waved her hand, dismissively.

"I already threatened to kill him if he does try anything funny, and I am fully capable of that," said Tsunade, eyeing Orochimaru meaningfully and cracking her knuckles.

Orochimaru truly felt scared. (A.N-If it's the real Orochimaru, he wouldn't even be there..haha) Heck, he was shaking but his pride enabled him to al least stand up with some amount of confidence.

"Now let's get to business! You are all here today to be competitors in a cooking contest!" declared Tsunade.

Once again there was complete utter silence. The silence stretched on. Tsunade began to feel uncertain.

"You DID hear me right? I said you are-"

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING!"

"Mmmm… more food…"

"B-but… cooking's not my f-forte…"

"HA? COOKING?"

"WHAT! CAN'T IT BE LIKE FLOWER ARRANGING OR SOMETHING!"

"YEAH RAMEN!"

"…"

"Not bad… cooking eh?"

"Cooking? My puppets can't help out in that…"

"Mendakuseina…"

"Neji, it's a COOKING contest!"

"…"

"Lee aren't you excited?"

"…"

Gaara gave no reaction.

Tsunade clapped her hands to get their attention.

"I shall explain the rules. Three people will be grouped together and this group must come up with a three course meal in a span of one and a half hours. (A.N-I know its long but I've had experience in Home Econs lessons and I took longer than this time I think..) A duration of 1 hour will be given for each group to discuss the meals and find the recipes. Ingredients shall be given when you ask for it. By the end of two and a half hours, everything should be ready."

"Marks shall be given for the appearance and taste. Marks will be deducted if you displease the judges. And before any of you say anything, if anyone of you wishes to leave this competition just because you don't like it or you can't cook…just see what I will do to you…" threatened Tsunade.

"Um… what about a reward?" asked Sakura, hopefully.

"Reward? Um… you get to… please me," replied Tsunade.

"That's it, baa chan!"

Tsunade's eyes flashed.

"Want to run that by me again, Na-ru-to?"

Naruto fell silent.

"Speaking of rewards… I have punishments for the last 3 teams. You get the honour of being my personal slav- helper for a month!" said Tsunade, beaming.

"WHAT!"

Tsunade just nodded. The ninjas suddenly felt the importance of winning the competition.

_I will WIN! _were the thoughts in their heads.

"We get to choose our team members?" asked Tenten.

"Nope. I choose the groups," came Tsunade's reply.

"EEEWWW! That means two people have to be stuck with HIM!" gasped Ino, staring at Orochimaru who narrowed his eyes at her.

"Orochimaru's one of the judges," informed Tsunade.

"WHAT!"

Tsunade shrugged. The ninjas groaned.

"To be fair, I'll draw lots for the groups," said Tsunade as she pulled out a container full of slips of paper with their names on them.

"I'll be choosing the first group."

Tsunade pulled out three papers. Even before she looked at the papers, she was already smiling to herself. The ninjas felt suspicious.

In the background, Shizune sighed and shook her head.

Tsunade sama… You lie so well… You're actually doing a jutsu with your hands to make sure you get the names you want from the container… Tsunade sama you sadist…

"Rock Lee, Sabaku no Gaara and… Haruno Sakura."

"YES! SAKURA SAN!"

The Konoha's Green Beast suddenly came back to life, jumping here and there.

"NOOOOOOO!"

Gaara…remained impassive.

"Next team, Uzumaki Naruto, Nara Shikamaru and Inuzuka Kiba."

"3rd team, Tenten, Temari and Akimichi Chouji."

"Yamanaka Ino, Hyuuga Neji and Aburame Shino."

"Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata and Kankurou."

"We're all SEPARATED!"

"Now all of you, you know your group members already so your time starts now. You may use the kitchens below."

There was a mad scramble as the complaining ninjas rushed out of the door. Sakura stopped halfway and turned to Tsunade.

"Tsunade sama… why did you hold this competition in the first place?"

At that, Tsunade started cackling again.

"I'll tell you the truth, since you're my student and all. It's to torture all of you…"

"I told you she learnt from a great master," came Orochimaru's comment.

"SHI NEEEEEE!"

Sakura ran out before she could experience anymore OOCness.


	4. Step 1:Decide on your dish…simple right?

Ready! Get Set! Cook!

We have decided to come back to life! And it has been like what, more than one year! And it's all thanks to Wassermagierin for bringing us back to the existence of this fic! Your review alerted us to see how lonely this fic was. Anyway, we will still be following the old storyline before Sai and Yamato appears. And before all of them got their image change. And Gaara still has Shuukaku! And be ready for even more OOCness!

Thank you for all the reviews! They made me sooo happy!

Disclaimer: Nope the situation's still the same. I still don't own Naruto.

Chapter 4 – Step 1: Decide on your dish… simple right?

Naruto suddenly stopped in the midst of running ninja. He saw no need to rush. After all hadn't his team decided to cook the ultimate dish? Naruto grinned to himself. _We're one step ahead of everyone!_ The thought of all his dishes was starting to make his mouth water. Thinking of his lovelies made him excited.

"Oi Naruto! What are you doing there, giggling like a mad idiot?" came Kiba's holler from near the entrance.

His two temporary team members- no wait, fellow chefs were standing near the exit, Kiba giving him a weird look with the aura of impatience oozing out of him and Shikamaru just sighing and folding his arms as he stared at Naruto in a bored fashion.

"Let's go! I can't wait!" cheered Naruto as he sped towards them.

"You were the one lagging behind!" retorted Kiba, as he followed after Naruto.

Shikamaru had a bad feeling about the way Naruto was acting but Kiba did not seem affected by it so he just shrugged and followed after the two morons. After minutes of walking, Kiba finally realized something was wrong. Weren't they supposed to be discussing what they were going to cook? Well, he couldn't cook even if his life depended on it but hey, a guy's gotta keep up the image.

"Oi, Naruto. Where are we going?" he asked.

Naruto turned back to look at him. Now he was the one giving Kiba the weird look. "Did you hit your head or something, Kiba? Of course we're going to the supermarket."

At that, Shikamaru's suspicions were confirmed. He sighed and handed their future over to fate. It was too troublesome to do anything about it. Kiba seemed to be thinking it over. "Well, ok, reasonable enough, but how do you know what to buy if we don't know what we're going to cook?"

Naruto gave him an even weirder look. "Didn't we already discuss it?"

Shikamaru sighed. _When it comes to that, Naruto sure likes to warp fantasies with reality,_

Kiba raised his eyebrows. "Huh? When? All we did was follow you here!"

"How could you forget about RAMEN!!!" burst out Naruto, indignantly.

Kiba stared at him. Then he started laughing his head off. Even Akamaru became worried. Wiping his tears away, Kiba patted Naruto on the shoulder. "Good one Naruto. Now seriously, what are we going to cook?"

"I wasn't joking! Why would I joke about Ramen??"

Kiba fell silent at that. Oh yeah. Why would Naruto joke about Ramen? He lived and breathed ramen. But that means….

"NO WAY!!! YOU EXPECT US TO WIN WITH RAMEN???!!!"

Passers-by gave Kiba a weird look as they edged away from him.

"STOP GIVING ME WEIRD LOOKS!! I STARTED THE TREND, NO ONE SHOULD FOLLOW!!!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. _Then why do you call it a trend?_

"RAMEN IS THE BEST! BAA-CHAN WILL LIKE IT!"

Kiba took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. He looked at Naruto straight in the eye.

"All right Naruto. Picture this. There are girls in the other groups. Girls are generally great in the kitchen. WE are a bunch of guys. NO GIRLS. ZERO. You got that?" Naruto slowly nodded and was about to say something but Kiba cut him off. "All right. They will probably come up with something extravagant like all those weird dishes with those funny names. All right? And now, we, the bunch of guys, come up to Hokage sama and present her with a cup of instant noodles. Do you think we will win Naruto? Do you want to be stuck with Hokage sama being your slave driver?! Do you seriously think we'll win?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at him. "Of course not. Don't be stupid Kiba."

Kiba sighed with relief. "I'm glad you finally-"

"You pour the ramen in a bowl first to make it more presentable and you need three types of ramen! It's a three course meal, did you forget, Kiba? Man, you're too forgetful today!"

"AAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

……………………………………………………………………

"Sakura-san! Please impress us with your youthful culinary skills!" beamed Rock Lee, as he suddenly turned to Sakura…. who was apparently not there.

He blinked and looked around. He then turned to his other fellow group member, whose presence could be easily ignored as one of a wall, but a very scary wall at that. "Gaara-kun, have you seen Sakura-san? She seems to have lost her way in the crowd."

Gaara stared at him for a while and then swept his gaze over the streets where the non-existent crowd was. He then settled with another stare at Lee before promptly looking away. Lee did not look daunted by his lack of response.

"We have to search for her! SAKURA SAN!!!"

Meanwhile, Sakura was watching her two group mates from above a building. She winced when Lee started calling out her name. She quickly started to jump away to get further from them. _I don't care whether our team loses. Anyway I have to see shishou everyday, it doesn't make a difference. I'm embarrassed to be in that team! I HAVE to get away!_

Sakura quickly headed towards a secluded spot in Konoha. When she landed, she checked her surroundings before sighing in relief. She slowly started to walk over to a tree.

"I see. This is a great place to get inspiration, Sakura-san!"

Sakura screamed in shock. She whirled around to see Rock Lee giving her a huge, gleaming grin. _Why didn't I sense him?!!! _she thought, horrified. Suddenly, behind him loomed a dark foreboding aura. She gulped, audibly. Even Rock Lee's gleaming smile dimmed a little… but it still shone. No one could mar the smile of Konoha's Green Beast, apparently. Gaara came into view, walking slowly and stopping a few metres away.

"H-how did you find me?" asked Sakura, still stunned by their sudden appearance.

Rock Lee smiled. "The youthful beautiful flower will never be able to hide her beauty!"

Sakura gave him a blank stare. "Um… okaaayy…"

"Yes, Sakura-san, continue your valiant efforts in helping our team!"

Sakura gulped again. _I don't want to be embarrassed! But there's no way out of this!_

"Uh… I didn't exactly come here to get inspiration, as what you think Lee-san." At that, Lee nodded slowly. "Perhaps you have come to gather the essence of your dishes?" Sakura shook her head slowly. "You see… Um… I _can _cook…"

"As expected of the beautiful flower of Konoha!"

Sakura shuffled her feet awkwardly. "Water."

At that, Lee stopped. He stared at the red-faced Sakura and then he burst out into smiles again. "Water and…?"

Sakura's face flushed a deeper shade of red. "Just. Water."

There was silence. Even Gaara seemed to be staring at her. The birds stopped chirping and stared at her. So did the grasshopper near her feet. And the dragonfly flying past them and the worm crawling out of its hole, just for that reason. And Shuukaku. And –

"OKAY! FINE, I GET IT!!! STOP STARING AT ME YOU RANDOM CREATURES!!!"

Rock Lee finally seemed to recover and he burst out into smiles once more. "It is just fine, Sakura-san! You need not be embarrassed about it, we can work together as a team and overcome all obstacles!"

Sakura stared at him. "Really? I mean… actually… boiling water is a problem for me too. I don't know why it always bursts into flame whenever I put it over the stove… And even with instant ramen and with the boiling water ready to be poured in, the instant ramen can still catch fire… I wonder why… It can't possibly be my fault can it? Oh and I haven't told you about the time when I wanted to make oatmeal…"

At that, Rock Lee suddenly felt a cold chill. He turned to Gaara. Gaara just gave him the usual impassive look… but somehow mixed with that was some amount of fear, as his gaze rested on the still rambling Sakura. Rock Lee felt the cold chill again.

_She can even burn water… What is going to happen to us….?_

……………………………………………………………………

Stare….stare…stare… twiddles fingers… glare… stare…

"A-ano… I-I – "

"Wait, don't need to say it. You can cook," cut in Kankurou.

Hinata flushed a deep scarlet. "I-I'm sorry but… I d-don't know how to…"

Kankurou sighed in exasperation. " You were supposed to deceive me and say yes!"

Hinata grew redder as she hung her head even lower. "I-I'm sorry…" Kankurou sighed again. "Well I can't cook for the world. Someone else in the family does that," he turned to Sasuke, "Well, what about you?"

Sasuke gave him a pointed stare. "Do I look like a cook to you?" Kankurou groaned. "Great. Then what are we supposed to do, stare at each other till our eyes bleed?"

"Yeah, your eyes will bleed all right 'cause I'll dig them out if you stare at me with those beady eyes of yours," spoke Sasuke, in a threatening manner.

"You're just waiting to get your ass kicked, you snake pervert!" growled Kankurou.

At that, Sasuke froze. His brow then creased into a deep glare as his hands itched to reach out for Kankurou's neck and wring it. Kankurou almost shrank back in fear. He could almost hear the hissing of snakes. ALMOST.

"Wait, you're not up to his standard yet. I didn't hear the snakes hissing…" pointed out Kankurou.

Sasuke lost his murderous intent. "What?"

Kankurou shrugged. "I dunno… I figured since you're his successor, you should have like, some theme song with snakes hissing when you go into some ultra scary mode or something like that."

Now Sasuke really wanted to wring his neck. Just as he was about to do so, Hinata decided that it was the right time to cut in.

"I-I can try to c-cook something…"

The two other ninja turned to her. "You're like the princess of the house. What _can_ you do?" asked Sasuke.

"Uh…I…"

"Wait a minute. Princess of the house, you say? Then can't you like ask one of those cooks of yours to cook for us?" asked Kankurou.

Hinata was about to answer when suddenly with a puff of smoke, Orochimaru appeared beside them. Kankurou and Sasuke clutched each other's hands and screamed. "ARGH!!! PERVERT!!!"

Then suddenly, Sasuke caught hold of himself and roughly pushed Kankurou out of his way. Kankurou was still covering his eyes and looking away, refusing to look back. Sasuke rolled his eyes, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart and trying to regain his pride. "It's just Orochimaru, coward." At that, Kankurou turned back a little. He dropped his hands. "Oh. So it is."

Orochimaru just stood there wearing a sour look on his sallow face. He chose not to comment on their previous actions, instead clearing his throat. Just as he was about to speak, Kankurou cut in.

"Hey, wait. I didn't hear the snakes hissing when you appeared just now."

Orochimaru, stared down his nose at Kankurou. "What nonsense are you babbling about, you insignificant ninja?"

Kankurou looked pissed but he wisely chose not to rebut. "You know, your theme song? You're a snake pervert, you should have some theme song that has to do with snakes shouldn't you?"

At that, Sasuke almost slapped his forehead. _That's it, that idiot's gonna get it._

To Sasuke's surprise, Orochimaru chuckled. "Very observant, boy. No, for today, I left them back at Sound. They were feeling a little ill, those poor things. Must be due to the excessive hissing…"

Kankurou wanted to say _"But you don't appear much in the anime anyway."_ But of course, Kankurou was smarter than that. And as for Sasuke, he just realized that Orochimaru was not the weirdo he thought he was. He was much more than that. How horrifying.

"Anyway, Tsunade has instructed me to tell you, you cannot receive external help from people. Now goodbye. Oh and Sasuke kun, you had better win this, or else I will never ever let you touch or even see the greatness of my mirror."

Sasuke almost laughed himself silly, "Like I care."

Orochimaru then disappeared in another puff of smoke. Kankurou gave Sasuke an "I told you so" look. "Told you, you're not up to his level yet."

Sasuke almost punched him into the ground. "Mention that sicko one more time and I'll make sure your face looks like his!"

Kankurou grimaced. "Eugh. Then there'll be like two Orochimaru! Do yourself and us all a favour man!"

Sasuke pondered this. He was right. That wouldn't be a good thing.

"Wait, Hyuuga's been rather quiet, don't you think?" pointed out Kankurou. Sasuke finally realized that too and he turned to look at Hinata. She was standing frozen, eyes wide.

"Don't tell me… she's still shocked over Orochimaru's appearance?" Kankurou went over to her, waving a hand in front of her face. "Oi, he's gone already."

There was no reaction from Hinata. Then Kankurou tapped her shoulder in an effort to try to get her out of her shocked state. Hinata suddenly swayed and…. BAM!

"O-Oi! Hyuuga? Hyuuga!"

To be continued… 

Sorry for the lack of humour here, but it's not the right part for most of the humour to come in. That'll come later! And sorry, there won't be any pairings in this.

Please review!!


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